Holidays without our loved one. The first ones are the hardest but to be honest the second, third, tenth, fifty ninth & everyone in between are hard. They aren’t fresh and acute like the first but they still hurt. While many (I hope) are sensitive to the first anything without loved one, it feels to many grievers that the sympathy & empathy does not extend past those first ones. The world acts like we have survived the loss and the firsts so we ‘should’ be ok. In many ways we are better at coping by the time the second and so forth holidays happen but that doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there and that pain seems to be disregarded by many. We’ve just learnt how to manage it a bit better than in the acute firsts but it’s there, their absence is greatly noticed to us still.
Whether it’s your first or tenth, please be honest about how much the holiday is affecting you. Tell others in your family if you are struggling so they know and can hopefully limit some triggers or their dependence on you at this trying time. We often expect our loved ones to know what we need or know our limits and triggers but they don’t. We need to use communication with others.
To all my grievers out there, I see you, I feel you and damn do I know what that emptiness feels like. Don’t overdo holidays but do try to make a little effort to be present for the ones left behind. If that means committing to half hour, an hour, one evening or day or two to being present with them as best as you can but then the rest allowing yourself to feel sad, that’s ok. I just don’t want the grief to consume your holidays. I would love for you to have some moments that you can look back on and treasure and that others can treasure of YOU. Cause we have all learnt the hard way that we never know when our time is up.
Jimmy Durante – I’ll Be Seeing You