No one truly warns you how becoming single person into being one in a married couple really impacts your individuality. But even more undiscussed is the transformative changes being a woman turned Mother is. There are many aspects of how life changes when we become parents but specifically for this, I am discussing sexuality. The only thing your gynecologist will tell you is when you can begin having sex again after childbirth. They don’t tell you that you will probably feel a disconnect in your sexuality and sexual needs because we become so focused on our baby’s needs and wants, or that you won’t even recognize the body in the mirror anymore. They don’t tell you how having stretch marks that you never had & what the Cesarean scar does for your sexual self image or how penetration isn’t as easy with the scar tissue from the stitches your vagina got from birth. How about how the anxiety/stress of a newborn or the emotional disappointment of a birth experience you were not prepared for affects sexuality.
We are more than just our ability to procreate and we deserve sex that nourishes our needs and wants. Society and culture would like to tell us moms that we are no longer allowed to be sexy, that it’s inappropriate, we are not allowed to seem like we like sex anymore. Society has an idea of how a ‘Mom’ should look and be. Once our ‘duty’ of procreation and giving our parents a grandchild is achieved, we are pretty much expected to dismiss and forget our former sexual selves. I’m here to tell you to fight for your sexual identity, fight for sexual needs, wants and desires, fight for your sexuality.
Being a mom is an empowering experience. Use that new power and force in you to explore and create a new sexual force in you that doesn’t end because you are a mom but increases!
Dads struggle with their sexuality post baby too. They also struggle with the appropriate way to see their partners as moms now but still their sexual desires. Keep communication open and intimacy a priority.