This is to the young people out there…..maybe some older but mostly to the younger. You know how you watch something and think I never want to become that with my partner, I’ll never have ‘that’ kind of relationship. My boyfriend or fiancé and I love one another so much we will escape that. You think I’ll never have the kind of relationship where I feel alone, where I feel taken for granted, where I feel I’m doing more than they are, where you barely hear I love you anymore, where all you really talk about is the good old days, work, the kids, in laws or how tired you are, where you rarely have sex anymore and when you do it isn’t that exciting or great, where you think how the f*ck did my life get to this point.
I’m here to tell you that not one of the couples you see ever wanted to get to that point. Not one of them wanted to be in a relationship where they felt unheard, unloved, uncared for, taken for granted. They all thought they were immune to it too. They all thought it wasn’t going to be them. Life happens such as kids (sleepless nights, temper tantrums, signing them up for activities then taking them to those activities, defiance, messiness etc) then add some work stress, infertility, infidelity, grief, traumatic event, financial issues mixed with some tension, anger, loneliness, abandonment and you wake up one day and that’s your relationship. None of us are immune to relationship issues no matter how much you love one another right now.
You can stop very little of those things listed from happening, so make sure the person you chose to go through them all with, is someone who loves the real you. Make sure they have seen your wounds and scars and make sure you’ve had disagreements with them and stressful situations before you really make a lifelong commitment. Letting them see or know about your vulnerabilities, insecurities, past hurt will let you know how they react to it and how/if they support you through them or shy away from your ‘baggage’. And having disagreements and stressful moments will show you what kind of person they become when things aren’t going their way or as planned and this says a lot about a person.
Really think on what you want for your life and what you want and need from a partner. Make sure you aren’t with someone just because they are there, or because they are comfortable. We tend to go for people who have characteristics of what we know, what we are familiar with and that’s not always a good thing. Don’t ignore red flags or gut saying this may not be the right one.
You and your partner will constantly grow. How things are now is not how they will remain. Put the work in to grow parallel to them and support one another.